Three kinds of people in the world.

"...There are three kinds of people in the world: those who don’t know, and don’t know they don’t know; those who don’t know and do know they don’t know; and those who know and know how much they still don’t know. Heavy stuff, I know. I think I've finally graduated from the don’t-knows that don’t know to the don’t-knows that do.”

- Bloodfever, Karen Marie Moning

When I read this, I didn't really think much about it. I was just like, "Yeah, interesting, next."

But I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I've been applying to schools to transfer to next year, freaking out because even though transferring to a 4 year university has been the plan all along, I feel completely overwhelmed. I have almost no idea which school I want to go to (I just know I want to be in Chicago), and I wish I knew what school will lead me to what future. I talked to a friend about my anxiety, and he pointed out to me that no matter what I plan, that doesn't mean it's going to happen. You might be thinking Duh, but I did know that. Except knowing it and feeling it is totally different. 

When I was in high school I thought I had my life figured out. I went to a youth group, thought I knew everything about God. I had a tight group of friends, and thought we'd have each other forever. I started dating someone, and thought we had the perfect relationship. I was completely in the category of not knowing and not knowing that I don't know. 

In the years since, I've realized I know very little about religion, my group of friends changed, and I recently ended that relationship. Even though my ex-boyfriend and I still care about each other and we broke up on good terms, since we broke up I've been thinking about our relationship and realizing it was definitely not perfect. It was just that while being in the relationship I was totally unable to see the bad things. I'm not going to start bashing him, or anything. I hate when people do that when they get out of a relationship. I only mean that I've been starting to see things in a different light.

So all of these realizations have just been accumulating, bringing me to the second category: I don't know, and I know I don't know. I'm still a little anxious and want to plan as much about my future as I can, but there's something kind of freeing in knowing that no matter which school I pick nothing is certain. No matter where I go, I could get end up being a total outcast with no friends or I could have the time of my life. Or something in between.